By Liza Maltz

I remember the first time I gave my kid his phone. To illustrate the concept of digital permanence, I decided to make a memorable point. I FaceTimed him from another room and screen-recorded our entire conversation. When he joined me in my room, I played back the recording for him. He was amazed and a little freaked out. This practical demonstration followed by an open conversation made it clear to him that anything he texts, emails, or posts on social media—even on Snapchat—is permanent. This lesson resonated deeply, and he has been mindful of his digital footprint ever since.

While this approach worked well for my son, it's important to remember that not all kids will grasp the message so clearly. Consistent and open dialogues about social media use are essential, ensuring that all caregivers are on board with your rules. This collaborative effort helps reinforce the importance of responsible online behavior, making sure our children understand the lasting impact of their digital actions.

We often find ourselves in a conundrum, pondering the right age to introduce our kiddos to the world of social media. Has the thought of your first-grader joining TikTok crossed your mind? My instinctive response? A big no. The mere idea sends a chill down my spine. On Monday morning In an op-ed in The New York Times, Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy emphasized the urgent need to protect young people from the potential mental health harms of social media.

Social media platforms, TikTok included, are brimming with content that's way too adult for kids (and most teens!). The suggestive dances and viral dares performed by kids not much older than ours, often in full public view, are particularly troubling. It's not just the content that's worrisome; it's the message it sends to our kids about what's deemed acceptable and valued in our society.

And let's not overlook the ominous shadow of cyberbullying that hangs over these platforms. I've witnessed my friends' kids suffer from both direct attacks and the subtler, but equally damaging, tactics of exclusion used online. It's heart-wrenching to see the impact on their self-esteem and mental health. These platforms can quickly morph into a battlefield where the vulnerable are targeted, leaving scars that can last a lifetime.

The Numbers Speak Volumes

41% of teens with the highest social media use rate their overall mental health as poor or very poor.

Teens are spending nearly 5 hours daily on social media.

71% of people agree that it's important to take a break from social media.

60% of the highest frequency social media users who report low parental monitoring and weak parental relationships said they had poor or very poor mental health, compared with 25% of the highest frequency users who report high parental monitoring and strong parental relationships.

Navigating the Digital World: Tips for Parents

Navigating the digital world is akin to traversing a minefield for our young ones, and we, as parents, are their first line of defense. It's our duty to shield our children from the potential hazards of social media, educate them about the risks, and guide them towards developing healthy digital habits. Today's warning from the Surgeon General is a stark reminder of the urgency of this issue. It's a call to arms for all of us to demand a safer online environment for our kids.

Practical Steps and Tools

We need to stay vigilant, take proactive steps, and sometimes, be the bearers of the unpopular "no" when it comes to social media use. Our children's mental health and safety are at stake, and it's a battle worth fighting. As a mom, I'm committed to ensuring that the virtual world my child navigates is as nurturing and secure as the real one I strive to provide.

There are several apps out there designed to help us monitor and limit our children's social media use. Apps like Qustodio and Bark are popular choices. Qustodio offers comprehensive monitoring, including full text and web history, regular location updates, and screen time management. Bark, on the other hand, focuses on monitoring social media and email, providing alerts for concerning messages while maintaining a degree of privacy for our kids.

For those of us looking to curb our children's social media use, apps like Offtime, Moment, and Freedom can be very helpful. These apps allow you to block distracting social media apps and set time limits on phone use. They can also provide insights into which apps you're spending the most time on, helping you make informed decisions about where to set boundaries.

Make a Game Plan: Engaging Conversations with Your Kids

Starting a conversation with our kids about social media use is crucial in helping them navigate the digital world safely. Here are some tips to guide you through this important discussion:

Set the Tone: Begin the conversation in a calm and neutral manner. Avoid using emotional language or a lecturing tone, which can cause kids to shut down or become defensive.

Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage dialogue by asking questions that require more than a yes or no answer. For example, "What do you like most about using social media?" or "How does using Instagram/TikTok make you feel?".

Practice Active Listening: Show genuine interest in their responses. Avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions. This demonstrates respect for their opinions and encourages them to share more freely.

Lead by Example: Share your own experiences with social media, both positive and negative. This can help establish common ground and show that you understand the platform's appeal and challenges.

Discuss Permanence and Privacy: Talk about the long-term implications of what they share online and the importance of maintaining privacy settings to protect their information.

Highlight Positive and Negative Online Behavior: Describe what constitutes respectful and harmful behaviors on social media. Discuss the impact of cyberbullying and the importance of being kind online.

Stay Informed and Involved: Keep up with the latest social media trends and platforms. This can help you understand the environment your child is engaging with and provide relevant advice.

Create a Family Media Plan: Establish clear guidelines for media use, including what types of content are appropriate and time limits for daily social media consumption.

Nurturing a Safe Digital Journey

Remember, the goal is to create an open line of communication where your child feels comfortable discussing their online experiences with you. Regular check-ins and a supportive approach can foster a healthy relationship with social media. Let's navigate this digital journey together, one step at a time!

Keep it #inyourcircle

XOXO,

Liza

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